I have often wondered how other families knew when they were done having kids. Or, how they knew they didn’t want children. It seems like such a huge commitment either way, right? As a woman, some days I wanted none, sometimes Grayson was more than enough, and other times I fantasized about having several. Can anyone else relate?
I will be the first to admit that I know I am not innately Mother Goose. I struggle with keeping my life together and I only have two. I have an aunt who has NINE children and I constantly am in awe of how she manages everything, especially considering my own deficits.
The first thing that goes into the planning is always the overload of internet research. There are so many studies, theories, and opinions that your head will spin. It makes you feel like nothing is actually the right decision. How important is birth order? How far apart should they be? How old should we be when they are born? What about our income level? It’s too much!
When Tyler and I got together, I already had G. Ideally, I thought I wanted more in life but wasn’t sure if that was in the cards or not. Tyler (unlike me) is actually Father Goose. He wanted a million babies. We knew that we would have at least one together. Then came Charlie! A perfect little handful of baby girl. There were a few conversations about whether or not we were done. I considered how hard my pregnancies had been, my struggles with postpartum depression and anxiety, and other things like finances and kid spacing. I think it’s important to be honest with yourself about a lot of that stuff. Can you afford another? Can you mentally handle another? Some women are cut out of the lunacy of having multiple small kids and others are not. I think I fall closer to the “are not” category, personally. However, Grayson is at a self-sufficient/stable age and Charlie is nearing two years old.
Overall, we decided that three was our magic number. As soon as we decided that, it was like instant relief. It made sense. My entire pregnancy, I have been so peaceful and secure in the idea of us being a family of five. As an added bonus, I got my dream combo: two boys and a girl. I want to spend my younger years raising kids, but not ALL my years raising kids. It’s just who I know myself to be.
Making decisions about when to complete your family can be a lot to dissect and think over. It’s normal to second guess everything and change your mind a hundred times. Not only that, but you may have a partner who also has feelings and opinions that need to be considered. Compromise has to happen.
When we started a family, I started dreaming of having a King sized bed, maybe as a meeting place on lazy Sunday mornings. A cozy place where we could all snuggle and talk about our dreams. A place for laughs and tickles and bedhead. A king sized bed signified family and togetherness to me. It signified having a place big enough to hold all of us while we escape our anxieties and envelope ourselves in love for each other.
It’s a bittersweet feeling to know that my days of being pregnant and raising babies are coming to a close, but I couldn’t feel more confident about it. We look forward to being Crenshaw, Party of 5.