There Doesn’t Have to be a Villain

What if I told you that the end of a romantic relationship doesn’t require you to “pick a side”?

(Yes. Even if you think you know all about whatever shocking public catalyst a couple has shared or you’ve observed.)

I’ve found it interesting at the end of my marriages or long term relationships that people demand a scapegoat, even when everything ends as amicably and peacefully as it can.

Humans don’t like grey area. We want definitives. A good guy and a bad guy.

Depending on our biases and our perspective of a couple- we may even create entire narratives and unfair judgments based on a fraction of information, even inviting people to join our smear squad. (Herd mentality is a helluva drug.)

But we all need to check ourselves and remember the truth likely exists in a less riveting reality.

Maybe all you heard about was his affair but you don’t know about her years of lack of communication contributed to a breakdown in connection.

Maybe all you heard about was her alcoholism but you don’t know about his refusal to support her mental health and her subsequent dependency on substances.

What gave you the authority to decide who was right or wrong and why did you even need to?

We all have flaws AND perks, and they evolve (or devolve) based on who we are interacting with and a ton of other variables.

Relationships between two imperfect beings are HARD and complex.

We must remember as spectators or support people that we don’t ever know as much as we think we do about someone else’s private dynamic.

Romantic relationships end. All the time. For a variety of reasons.

Can we normalize not needing to designate a villain?

*Edited to make it clear- I acknowledge circumstances such as one-sided abuse wouldn’t apply here and that I in no way think or meant to imply anyone deserves mistreatment or infidelity. As always, I can’t cover all nuance of a subject in a short caption and they could always go in ten more directions. I have to do my best to sum up my thought and hope you’re receiving the intended messaging if it’s for you and scrolling by if it’s not.