Now, I will live

I spent three decades framing my life around the rules “set” by the world around me.

Maybe you have too?

Rules society set.
Rules the church set.
Rules the public opinion set.
Rules that trauma and anxiety set.

The imagined guidelines of who I could or couldn’t be resounded in the background of my consciousness throughout my life, framing my every decision.

It makes me sad to think of the infinite loop of rules I believed I had to follow to be good or right or true.

The rules were many and often contradictory and they left no space for grace, possibility, redemption, or growth.

They only ever existed to make someone else comfortable with my humanity.

I’m 35 and I’m a newborn in the process of shedding these things. I’m still battling my inner critic and imposter syndrome hourly.

Unbecoming that woman is a slow and uncomfortable process.

I was self-built on the foundation of tainted perceptions and the unattainable expectations of other flawed humans and organizations.

Now, I will live.

Can you remember who you were, you before the world told you who you should be?

Charles Bukowski

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