“If you aren’t in the arena also getting your ass kicked, I’m not interested in your feedback.” – Brene Brown
Other people’s opinions can to get to me. By nature, I desire validation (especially from people I love). When when it’s noticeably absent- or even replaced with criticism or skepticism, I have the tendency to be affected. In talking to others (specifically women and mothers), it seems I’m far from alone. Yeah?
We’re not momming hard enough. We’re not working hard enough. We’re not learning hard enough. We’re not partnering hard enough. We’re not homemaking hard enough. { insert whatever else }
Someone will always think you aren’t enough. Someone will always think they know what’s best for you. But, here’s what I’ve learned. It’s not your problem.
People bring their own crap to the table. You might be perceiving that they are uncomfortable with your journey- but what you aren’t hearing is how unhappy they are with their own journey. You hear disdain, when it might be jealousy, insecurity, or guilt speaking. It’s not about you. It was never about you.⠀
I did a thing on IG (twice now) and wanted to share a peek of it here. I opened up my “question box” in my Instagram stories for Mothers to use as a confessional. My goal both times was to anonymously share their confessions with my audience to show other mothers that they are not alone, even if they feel crazy, irrational, or like the minority.
Yesterday, I got over 300 “confessions” and equally as many messages of agreement and solidarity. If you haven’t been in the trenches of motherhood and the guilt, shame, frustration, anger and exhaustion that comes with it; you might not understand. Motherhood is an amazing gift, but it can also be scary, lonely, and dark. If you think everyone else but you is acing it, you are wrong. Here’s a sampling of what other moms are feeling guilt and shame over on any given day.
You can find both installments of the “Momfessional” series on my Instagram in my story highlights:
Momfessional 1 | Momfessional 2
All that to say, keep doing you. We live in a time where we can be an amazing mom AND almost anything else we want to be at the exact same time. That’s not a pity, that’s a privilege. Whatever society is telling you that you need to be doing is garbage. Just take care of yourself and do the best you can for your children. Keep hustling. You’re doing a good job and I see you.⠀
Photography by Naomi Hopkins.
