I’m Crying With You | Another Open Letter To Melissa Graves

Dear Melissa,

There’s nothing anyone can ever say that can erase or minimize the trauma you endured this week. You’ve experienced a greater loss than anyone could ever imagine. You’ve sustained a level of fear that most of us will never have to feel. There are no words that could lighten your load right now, so forgive me if this falls short. But, as a mother of two young children, I want you to know that I have cried with you and for you.

Part of me wanted to stop reading the articles and go on with my life avoiding the tragic reality that others are enduring around our country, but I decided not to do that this time. When my instinct was to dry my eyes and stop crying about someone I “didn’t know” and a situation that “wasn’t close to me”, I changed my mind. I decided that part of my solidarity as a mother would be to grieve with you.

I don’t know you. I didn’t know your sweet baby, Lane. But, I’m a mama too. No one can understand that role better than another mother. We live in an imperfect world, and yes, accidents happen. But this time, I decided I wasn’t going to close the tab and distract myself with the lighter side of life. I sat and thought about you. I thought about how you made the same decisions that so many of us would have and could never have avoided something so horrifically random. I thought about how helpless and afraid you must have felt. I thought about your husband and your daughter. I thought about your last moments with your baby boy and how absolutely soul crushing that must have been for you. Our babies are an extension of our body and soul and no mother should have to experience what you did this week.

I’m disgusted, disturbed and enraged by the shaming that has arisen from this tragedy. It seems that any time something tragic happens under a parent’s watch, society is ready to throw blame and it seems like the scapegoat is too often the mother. I sincerely hope you can find a way to tune out the hate and can feel the love from so many of the moms like me who are rallied around you in spirit. We were at Disney last year. It could have been us. It could have been anyone. You’re a good mother. You did everything right. You loved and protected. You were enough.

We are all enough and we are all in this together. You aren’t alone. You have an army of mamas who have your back, whose hearts are broken for you, and who are crying with you.

With deepest sympathy and love,

Katie Crenshaw