Dear Katie in 2010

Dear Katie in 2010,⠀
⠀
This is weird right? Having a seven month old… being a mom at 23. I hate to tell you this, but it’s about to get weirder. ⠀
You don’t even realize you have postpartum depression. You’re about to go through a divorce and move into a tiny apartment with your baby. You guys will need food stamps and government assistance for awhile. You will barely make enough money to make ends meet and you’ll stay up at night wondering if life is ever going to make sense. ⠀
⠀
You’ll wonder why you can’t stop crying for hours at a time almost every single night. You’ll obsess over food and resort to starving yourself on purpose. You’ll have panic attacks almost daily. You will throw yourself into multiple toxic relationships and self-medicate with alcohol on the weekends your baby is at his dad’s to cope. ⠀
⠀
It will feel like you don’t know who you are or what your purpose is, but one day someone who cares will step in and encourage you that it’s ok to ask for professional help. Someone will tell you that your baby deserves a healthy mother and, with love, that it’s not normal to feel hopeless and scared all the time. ⠀
⠀
Then, it’s going to get better.⠀
⠀
You’ll get help. Gradually, you’re going to feel like yourself. You’re going to wonder how you lived without medication and therapy and why you swam upstream for so long. You’re going to wake up one day and realize that life is beautiful again. ⠀
⠀
When life throws you more curve balls (there are more coming…sorry), you’ll be ready to catch them. And when you get remarried and have two more babies in several years, you’ll be prepared. You’ll be armed with knowledge and support and a plan. ⠀
⠀
You’re going to ride every single wave ahead and you will not drown. Sometimes the valleys will feel too deep and dark to keep climbing, but you will hang on and experience the most brilliant peaks imaginable. ⠀
⠀
You’ve got a lifetime of battles ahead of you, but I hope you know you’re equipped. ⠀
⠀
You’re strong. You’re brave. You can do hard things. ⠀
⠀
Love, Katie in 2020