Body Image When The World Stops

In normal times it is a full-time job for women to take on the challenge of avoiding diet culture, appreciating themselves, recognizing their worth outside of their appearance, and unlearning decades of garbage. For those who have a history with eating disorders, that work is even harder. ⠀

During a global crisis? Whew. 2020 has been hard for body image. Stay with me.⠀

Very early into this year we all had our schedules thrown off and our routines destroyed. We all lost our bearings. Personally, I really struggled. Not because I gained a few pounds during lockdown or went up a jean size. It was bigger than that.⠀

I attach way too much of my worth to productivity. Just four months before quarantine started I had finished a whole ass marathon! My career as a blogger and brand was on the up and up and my confidence was PEAKING.⠀

Then, all of a sudden, everything in my external life stopped. The world stopped turning. The gym was closed. I lost childcare. I couldn’t see my friends anymore. My work disappeared. I rapidly sunk into a depression. I was forgetting to eat and not caring about proper nourishment. I stopped hydrating properly. I stopped sleeping. I lost connection to myself.⠀

What does this have to do with body image, you ask? Everything.⠀

2020 showed me that it’s easy to build a false security in yourself… but you don’t know that until it all falls away. I was proud of all of these accomplishments (as I should have been) but when everything unraveled and I was left with only my spirit and my body- I really had to turn everything inside out to regain my balance. I didn’t realize how much of the worth assigned to my physical self came through all of these “achievements”… until I couldn’t touch them anymore. ⠀

I hate this year, just like many of you, for a hundred reasons. But I’m always thankful for a change in perspective because I believe that’s where growth happens. I’m learning that even with no trophies or accolades, even alone in my room without anything to keep me busy… and even with a few extra quarantine pounds…⠀

I’m still worth the same as the girl who’s hustling her way to the top. ⠀

I’m still good and my body still can.

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