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A Recipe For Confidence When Life Has Been Less Than Perfect

How does confidence come so easily for you?

This question slides into my DM’s more often than anything else, and it always gives me pause (and truthfully, makes me giggle). Don’t get me wrong, I can see where the confusion comes from. After all, I’m a public champion for women empowerment. My job is to curate highlight reels all day every day. I realize that it may look like my confidence is effortless. I realize that it may appear that confidence came easily.

If you only knew.

I grew up in a house where emotion was stifled and was sexually abused outside of my home. Later, I was bullied really, REALLY badly as an early adolescent. I depended on sexual validation from boys as a teenager (and men as an adult). From puberty on, I abused my body and self-worth with eating disorders. I spent years ignored glaring mood disorders until I was well into adulthood. I became a serial monogamist and played house on repeat with all the wrong partners. I thought I had it all together in my twenties, but was truly wrought with imposter syndrome and insecurities. I’ve been divorced (…multiple times). I’ve had by heart broken by infidelity. I only have an existing relationship with one of my parents. I’ve literally lived in and out of crisis for as long as I can remember.⠀

Friends. Confidence has arrived, but it’s come anything but easily.

To me, confidence isn’t point B. Confidence is an evolution of acceptance. Confidence comes through acknowledging the present (whatever it looks like) and trusting the proverbial process. The simple understanding that life isn’t happening to hurt me, it’s just happening- was the catalyst for growth. ⠀

Thankfully, my thirties have brought calm, contentment, and yes- confidence. However, don’t get it twisted. In the content I produce and the words that I write, you’re seeing decades of battles, introspection, and personal development. I am not a finished product and gosh I hope I never will be.

My commitment both then and now is to just keep showing up.

I’m showing up every day as a woman who has just as many reasons to believe she is a badass as reasons to believe otherwise. Confidence is just a perpetual result of that daily commitment.

Photo by Crystal Anne Photography

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